The Guru Was Right

by Dóra | 2026.01.09.

The guru once said that this girl would be “more or less okay” by the age of 16–17. She’s eighteen now, and I can confidently say: she really is. Of course, she’s still autistic—but that was never the goal. She is whole, complete, and wonderfully herself.

When we returned from India, she was eleven. That summer, when she turned twelve, we had our first real conversation. I remember saying, “Kika, we’re having a real conversation now. I ask, you answer, and we’re sticking to one topic. This is huge! Do you notice?” Her eyes lit up. She did notice. It was a breakthrough—stepping out of her own little world and connecting with me through dialogue.

She first tried this at age four, but back then, she needed an anchor—a topic where she felt safe. At kindergarten, she played alone in a corner, retreating to her own world. But once she discovered her love for horses, she tried communicating with others: “I love horses,” “I can ride,” regardless of how anyone reacted. Adults tried to turn these statements into real conversations, but children weren’t receptive. Still, she remained open to the world. Over the years, whenever we went out or had visitors, she would bring up her horse stories, and people would respond politely. It may not have looked like a real conversation to outsiders, but it was progress.

She was already sixteen, when we invited girls from the riding stable to her birthday. Most canceled at the last minute, unsure how to decline, as it usually happens …

But two kind, empathetic girls came. They started talking about school and their lives, and my daughter initially felt left out. After quietly observing, she suddenly asked, “By the way, what’s your favorite horse?” The girls answered kindly, and later I pulled her aside and suggested discreetly, “Try observing and joining the conversation based on what they’re saying.” She beamed and proudly said, “That’s exactly what I did. Was I good?”

Two years later, she talks about more than just horses. She joined me for a calligraphy workshop, explored new sports, and we can have real conversations with her more often. While she still struggles to connect with peers her age, she finds friends in other circles. She initiates, she opens up, and she communicates more confidently.

Kíra has always been sensitive to others. Even as a small child, she would notice the most lonely or overlooked child and instinctively take them under her wing. Over the years, she’s shown incredible patience and care for her younger brother, guiding, supporting, and nurturing him. Recently, someone entrusted me with a five-year-old for a day, and Kíra embraced the babysitter role with such ease and intuition that I could quietly watch and marvel at her growth.